Freaks of the Gym: Checkered Shorts Guy

Posted by Sam Kressin in Uncategorized

Illustrated and written by me circa 2004. This is part of a series I did titled “Freaks of the Gym.” It was inspired by real people and heavily influenced by Mad Magazine. Check out my other Freaks of the Gym posts here; MosesPropeller Head.


TRANSCRIPTION

Checkered Shorts Guy: a trustee side kick to Moses, attracts the smaller, genetically weaker, intellectual individuals who are fearful and apprehensive about training with the actual Moses. Checkered Shorts Guy hopes that somehow he will be able to obtain the freakish strength and esoteric knowledge Moses has.

New weightlifting vocabulary word he learned this week from Moses “Ok let’s do a pre-exhaust set.”

Slightly more conservative hair style. His wife won’t approve of the all out Moses hair.

Perplexed look. has a more difficult time conveying the crazy look of Moses but still occasionally tries hard.

Black Baggy T-Shirt. Looks forward to the day when he is buff enough to wear the full on blood pinchingly tight shirts that Moses wears.

“What? Why can’t anyone put away their weights around here?! Um oh yea er get on the leg press and I’ll drop 420 pounds on you right at the biomechanical point of optimal intra-muscular shock.” – complains about trainers and kids not putting back their weights in attempt to gain some sort of respect instead of being viewed as a wimpy version of Moses. Then regurgitates some sort of ludicrous blurb that Moses said which has no scientific basis what so ever but sounds cool.

Pants pulled up extra high wedgie not quite as bad as Moses.

Elastic waist band. The result of wearing diapers until age eight.

Checkered shorts. That are ridiculously to short another 80s fashion he never realized fell out decades ago.

Over Developed Glutes. The result of checkered shorts guy and Moses doing thousands of pounds worth of leg presses together. You will never see these two doing squats.

Carries a Clipboard. this is to make up for the fact that he is slightly weaker than Moses by being more prepared.

White L.A. Gear Leather High Tops.

 

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