Illustrated and written by me circa 2004. This is part of a series I did titled “Freaks of the Gym.” It was inspired by real people and heavily influenced by Mad Magazine. Check out my other Freaks of the Gym posts here; Checkered Shorts Guy, Propeller Head.
Although named after the famous Prophet of the Old Testament, due to his long hair, prophetic looks and natural leadership abilities, this Moses is far from being a real prophet. Moses is one of the most common freaks you will run across in the gyms today.
The Moses is freakishly strong and primarily concerned with how much weight he can lift. It is not at all uncommon to hear Moses screaming and grunting from across the gym while he is lifting weights. Moses likes to psych himself out before lifts and talk about very strange and esoteric things that sound cool especially when he applies them to strength training and conditioning.
Commonly Blurbs Out stuff that has no scientific basis what so ever but sounds cool.
“Now that blood flow is at approximately 70% this will release some of those tensions and cross tensions.”
Excessively Grunts and Makes Noises. This is to draw attention to himself.
Long Hair. A sorry attempt to be like one of his idols Fabio.
Split Ends. Du to the fact that he has no idea how to properly care for his hair.
Black Shirt. Must be tight enough to roll-up sleeves and pinch the circulation around his arms so that he can get a nice swell in the biceps.
Pants. Pulled up extra hight to insure a perm-wedgie.
Black Sweat Pants. Are at least 3 sizes too small.
Ridiculously Heavy Weight. Doesn’t matter how he lifts it just as long as he proves that he is in fact very strong.
Sweat Pants Tucked Into Shoes. Another 80s fashion he never realized fell out of style.
Shoes. Black L.A. Gear leather high tops straight from the 1980s.